Moving on.

It has only been a few days, but Marci and I are feeling a bit better about the whole thing.  She has been applying to some new jobs, and we're thinking about the future in a positive way.  Her recovery seems to be going well.  We're glad, however, that a follow up appointment is coming up in a couple weeks.

On Friday we were invited to dinner by some colleagues of mine; we had a really good time eating some excellent food, drinking wine, and talking about all manner of topics for five hours until around midnight.  This really took our minds off the week.  It also confirmed that we made the right decision to uproot ourselves and change jobs and cities.

I've been stepping up my workouts over the last seven or so weeks.  Initially, this must have been partly due to news of the pregnancy (which I know from the first time around gives you plenty to think about and plan for).  Now, it's to burn off extra tension and some mild depression over our loss.  Also, honestly, it's because this is a really great gym, too.

That's that.

On Wednesday, Marci and I found out that the heart beat had stopped. Dr. A conferred with us, letting us know that there were really only two options. We could wait for a "natural miscarriage" or she could have a dilitation and curretage (a "d and c"), in which the fetal material is removed from the uterus.

In many cases, we learned, a "natural" approach requires a d and c anyway, so the choice seemed obvious.

So, yesterday morning at 5 am we went to the surgery center for the procedure. Marci was under IV anesthetic in a regular operating room, and the whole thing took about an hour. The actual procedure (which of course I wasn't present for) takes about fifteen minutes.

She felt fine during recovery, and said that the whole staff was exceptionally kind. They expressed that they were sorry for her loss, and were quite supportive of both of us.

When Marci just entered recovery, Dr. A asked me into a little room to talk about the procedure. He let me know that the positive news in all of this is that we could be ready to try again once Marci has two cycles.

Probably the most traumatic aspect of this experience was that babyman wasn't allowed to nurse for 24 hours after the procedure, due to the anesthetic in Marci's system. He was baffled and hurt by this, and was virtually inconsolable. We just put him to bed kind of early after trying many things to calm him down.

Everyone has been great to us but it's been a bit of a shitty week.

It doesn't look good.

Marci had an ultrasound this morning, and the fetal heart rate was even slower this time. Also, they didn't see the growth or development they were looking for.

I make a point of being at every single appointment, but the office rescheduled her at the last minute so I couldn't be there.

She called me between classes to let me know. Next week, we'll have another ultrasound with the expectation that the heart beat will have stopped completely. The doctor will also discuss with us options such as "expectant management" or a "d and c".

I've not discussed this with Marci yet, but I realize today that I've been bracing myself a bit for this. Over the last couple weeks I have stopped thinking about baby names, or about The Peanut as an older brother and all of that.

Marci was pretty upset when she got rescheduled yesterday (which I was not happy about, either), so I know we both have a lot of feelings just beneath the surface about this pregnancy.

We're also so busy (teaching on opposite schedules so that one of us can always be with the boy) that the least wrinkle in our weekly plans sends everything into a tailspin. Luckily, both sets of our parents are near enough to pinch hit when we need them. They've been great in that way.

Good news, Bad news

We had a little anxiety returning for the ultrasound, since a heartbeat could not be detected last time. On Wednesday, the tech found the heart beat, but was not happy with its rate (92 bpm).

The doctor followed up with a brief chat, saying that they would like to see the heart rate over 100, and to come back next week (this coming Wednesday).

From what I've read, 1st trimester fetal heart rates that stay below 100 are fairly ominous in terms of successful pregnancies.

Almost pregnant.

Last week Marci had an ultrasound which revealed a perfect looking egg and yolk sac for someone 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. This would be perfect news except that we thought (by our calculation) we were about 7 and a half weeks pregnant. At 7 and a half weeks, we should have been able to see a "fetal pole" and "see" a heartbeat, which we didn't. The only part that gives us pause is that the 5 week calculation doesn't track back to a time when we think we could have conceived. Our records on that, however, might be imperfect.

Tomorrow at 11:00 we will have a repeat US, which should reveal if everything is fine. The nurse practitioner (who was great, by the way--super informative and took a lot of time with us) did say that the implantation looked great (in the uterus and not ectopic, for example) and confirmed that it looked like a solo baby-to-be and not multiples.

So, basically everything is fine, other than this slightly disquieting date discrepancy. If there is no heartbeat tomorrow, that news becomes a bit more ominous.

Marci feels great so we're being optimistic. I have to say all of this does not feel quite as fraught this time around since we have the Little Man keeping us so busy.

We're pregnant.

Yes, the $6.99 Walgreen's test doesn't lie. But in case it does, we have an appointment tomorrow. By Marci's cycle/sex notes, we think we're about 5 weeks along. It took us 16 months of trying last time, now we've gotten it down to six.

I'll know more tomorrow afternoon!

Welcome back, me.

We moved and settled into our new place. The building dates to the 1880's so we love it. The new job at an urban college has been quite good so far, and we live on a fun corner in an active neighborhood. This is the closest we've ever been to a great independent coffee shop/bakery. We're also very close to my parents and in-laws, and Marci's sister's family. Marci and Peanut are doing great. The Peanut is now 22 months old and jabbering like crazy, in addition to his growing collection of single words.

He:

likes to jump while saying "jump!"
says "down" when he wants down
said "mama more" yesterday wanting a refill of whatever he was drinking
dances to Rusted Root
stares at and closely compares his rubber tub/shower toys (little cars, boats, scooters, and other vehicles)
goes "mmmmmmmmmmm--maaa!" when blowing kisses
gives a big corny smile to you seconds after awakening in the morning

eats pad thai, toasted cheese, rice, grapes and blueberries by the fistful, peanuts, yogurt, soy mochas, panang curry, salad (!), pizza, cheese and crackers, steals coffee, pancakes, lox and bagels every week (w/capers, red onion and all, liked/now doesn't like eggs, peanut butter and jelly (all mostly organic, of course!), lots of fresh fruit of every type.

laughs when you squeeze the "tickle buttons" near his shoulders (his trapezius), and has, according to his pediatrician "a million" teeth."

With a brand new professorship at a new place (and giving up tenure--at least for now--in the process), I can't say I'll write soon. But I may . . .